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Posted by brad on June 21st, 2010 @ 5:08am
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My brother is now engaged. I'm sure this information is of no use to anyone, but since I mentioned it in my previous post, I figured I might as well follow up on it.
That's all I really care to share. Rosalyn hasn't done anything embarrassing lately. She isn't at home as much, so that probably has something to do with it. It's been awhile since she's washed her sex toys in the dishwasher. I'm such a terrible person. Oh well. I don't care.
Julian. I want to talk summer party plans. Come see me in my office this afternoon. And no, I don't want to see you in a Speedo, so don't ask.
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Posted by brad on April 19th, 2010 @ 6:28pm
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I wonder if I could go another two months without anyone noticing that I haven't updated. Probably not.
My brother is planning to propose to his girlfriend of seven years during their vacation to Europe in June. I have no problem with this. In fact, it's long overdue, if only because I'm getting tired of her whining at me about Jackson's lack of... whatever. I don't really pay attention. What I do have a problem with is that my brother is looking to me for advice about how he should propose and expecting clever answers. First of all, I don't care. Second, I really don't care. And third, I have absolutely no expertise in the area. Jackson thinks, however, that because we are brothers, I am obligated to help him sort this thing out and come up with the perfect romantic scenario. In other words, he's lazy. I even had to pick out the ring for him. I also think up his anniversary gifts for Shauna. At this rate, I may as well be the one to propose to her.
Anyway. Rosalyn put a pair of boxers in with my clean laundry that are not mine. Rather than taking it up with her in private, I'm bring it up here. Clearly, we have something huge to discuss. I don't share my launderers with other men.
There you go. Some information about my personal life. Enjoy.
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Posted by brad on February 25th, 2010 @ 9:49pm
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So, against my better judgment, I'm returning to this place the magazine industry. The time away was nice, but ultimately my last job became too boring to handle plus my brother is a giant prick so here I am, crawling back to you, Spent. I'm not proud. You've ruined me for work anywhere else.
My first line of duty as Head of Marketing and Public Relations is to track down Lena Barros and blackmail her into coming back. I'll stop at nothing. After reading over the plans for the Valentine's Day party the other week, I've decided that it's imperative that we get a decent party planner on staff pronto. Julian, enough with the cheesy costume parties.
And this entry is already longer than I'm comfortable with. Let's pretend I tacked on a graceful conclusion and move on, shall we?
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Posted by brad on August 20th, 2009 @ 4:09pm
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So, I'm now the Director of Marketing and Public Relations. I can't promise that I'll be as fun as Dave was, but I'll do my best. We can't all have shining personalities after all.
Suri has been promoted to my previous position. Everyone should congratulate her, she deserves it.
And since I have nothing further to add, I'm ending this post.
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Posted by brad on August 2nd, 2009 @ 9:22am
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So, Dave is gone. I'd better get his job. I'm sure that makes a lot of you happy. Personally, I don't care either way. He never really bothered me. It helps if you don't pay attention to the crap that people write in these things.
A friend of mine dropped off a crapload of muffins on Friday and I've been eating them all weekend. I'm not sure why, I'm not particularly fond of muffins. These must be laced with crack cocaine. Or it could be that Rosalyn has been absent all weekend and the muffins are the only edible food in the house. And I'm joking. I'm actually pretty self-reliant, it's just been a lazy weekend.
Okay, I hope this is enough random crap to count as a substantial update. Sales/Marketing? We'll be having a meeting Monday morning at 10 AM sharp.
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Posted by brad on July 1st, 2009 @ 11:00pm
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I'm such an irresponsible blogger.
Rosalyn and I are no longer the only two people in Sales/Marketing, which is fortunate. I can finally take a vacation. However, it would be nice to bring in another new hire before then. I won't have to worry about things falling behind when Rosalyn decides to go out drinking on a work night again.
She and Lena are out painting the town red. We had Lena's birthday dinner at some nice restaurant this evening and Lena managed to spill wine down her cleavage. Rosalyn took it a step further and got toilet paper stuck to her heel while she was in the ladies' room like some romantic comedy cliché. It was a classy night. Sadly, I had to take off after the meal, but I'm sure they had plenty of other memorable moments I wasn't around for.
And it's late, so I'm using that as my excuse to cut off.
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Posted by brad on May 26th, 2009 @ 4:49pm
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Sales/Marketing is swamped. I'm considering rehiring Jack Smolan so he can fuck around with Katherine rather than do his job pick up some of the slack. Of course, I'd probably have to neuter him first lose my job if I did that, so I don't think I will. It was a nice, fleeting thought though.
Rosalyn still hasn't gotten me back for my last update. Knowing her, she's probably biding her time until I least expect it. How suspenseful. Don't think I'm not on to you, Ros, because I am.
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Posted by brad on May 11th, 2009 @ 9:13pm
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It's way past time for me to update. As promised, I will tell you some of the lame and random things Rosalyn does around the house in order to embarrass her. This is so professional. Oh well, I don't care. Sorry, Ros.
• She trips going up the stairs to the house every single time. The old man that lives next door actually claps if she manages to catch her balance without falling flat on her face.
• She has a set of 'laundry day' underwear, and that's all she wears while loading and unloading and folding clothes. Sometimes, depending on how many loads she has to do, she'll spend all day with barely anything on. It's really only funny when she forgets she's practically naked and steps outside to do something.
• On the weekends, she wears glasses and lets her hair go wild. I know she wants you all to think that her hair is bone straight, but it's really, really not.
• She cries watching Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice every week.
• After going out drinking with Ethan a few weeks ago, Rosalyn passed out on the stairs on her way to her room. I found her with the skirt of her dress riding up over her head.
• She washes her sex toys in the dishwasher.
• She listens to the Selena soundtrack while doing the dishes and sings along loudly, off-key.
• She's burned dinner more times than I can count because she was too involved with dancing around to ABBA.
• She practices yoga in the living room on the weekends. Every once in a while she'll get stuck in a compromising position and I'll have to help her out of it.
• Every Tuesday night, Rosalyn hosts a dinner party/meeting for her transgender friends. Her current girlfriend is a drag queen called Wilma Ballsdrop.
And there you have it: Ten random facts about Rosalyn's home life. I hope you enjoyed them.
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Posted by brad on April 12th, 2009 @ 1:39am
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I'm making another cop-out post because, well, I don't care want to. Sorry Jane. You're just going to have to wait until next time for gossip on Rosalyn. I'll be sure to make it extra embarrassing.
Actually, if there's anything anyone wants to know about her, feel free to ask. I will be completely candid. It's only fair that you have as much inside information as I do.
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Posted by brad on March 13th, 2009 @ 7:23pm
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I'm long overdue for an update, but that's hardly news. Even I can't remember the last time I met the two week deadline. I'm too busy working and having a life to think about blogging.
Honestly, as shocking as I'm sure this is, I don't have much to say. I'm actually that boring. I could post an obnoxious image to make it look like I care, but I won't. Be glad for that.
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Posted by brad on January 22nd, 2009 @ 5:39pm
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I'm taking it like a man and updating. Unfortunately, I can't beat 'street meat' and Hungry Eyes, so I'm not even going to try. I'm too discouraged.
Lena, was this post satisfactory? I want my flan.
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Posted by brad on December 29th, 2008 @ 9:34pm
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Rosalyn has only just begun to get over the funk breaking up with TJ put her in, and now she's already head-over-heels into another relationship. I don't get it. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy, I guess, but whole thing is insanely rushed. Again. It's like she cannot help herself from doing idiotic things. Unfortunately, it's not my place to say anything, but that's not stopping me from wanting to shake some sense into her, if for no other reason than I don't want to deal with the aftermath of another break up. I've had enough insanity for one life time, thank you.
I got a kitten for Christmas. He was a gift from Rosalyn who, on Christmas morning, said, "Merry Christmas! You need a little bit of pussy in your life!" and then dropped the cat onto my lap. Fortunately, that was the only live present I received this year. I've named him Shere Khan after the tiger from The Jungle Book. He's a ferocious little beast, so I think it's fitting. Don't worry, Lena, Rosalyn purchased baby gates to put up to keep the kitten from going feral on you. Just make sure you call before stopping by so that we have time to set up the safety zones.
Sales & Marketing, unless you had previously requested the day off, I expect all of you to be in the office on Friday. Try not to get too wild with your New Year's Eve partying. Unless, of course, you actually enjoy working with a hangover.
Happy Holidays, everyone.
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Posted by brad on December 2nd, 2008 @ 4:15pm
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Sigh.
Alex just updated. I was going to wait for Dan's update before posting something of my own, but I ran out of patience.
I feel like I don't know any of you anymore. All of these new faces are giving me a complex.
( Locked to Sales & Marketing )
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Posted by brad on November 10th, 2008 @ 11:39am
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Dan and Alex have updated, so I'm taking that as my cue to do the same. You know, even though I have more important things to do like making sure this magazine doesn't tank. I can't believe Richard fired my best employee. It isn't as if this company is heading for deep shit trouble and Jack was valuable or anything. Fucking idiot.
I swear, Katherine just sets out to ruin my life. I guess it isn't enough to disrupt my work day for her own amusement and to show up at my place drunk while I have company, now she has to cost me my employees. And my rationality, apparently. Obviously this situation has nothing to do with me, I'm just frustrated. They aren't paying me enough for this bullshit.
Speaking of bullshit, I'm about two seconds away from firing Rosalyn myself. She's way too inappropriate about our working relationship. I'm her boss. I don't care what sort of relationship we have outside of the office, but here she needs to mind my authority and show me some respect. It pisses me off that she can't separate the two.
I need a fucking vacation.
So, it was my birthday last week. I'm old enough now that my age actually depresses me. And tomorrow marks my one year anniversary with Spent. What a milestone.
I also have a massive headache. They must be going around.
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| I can't keep my hands out the cookie jar |
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Posted by brad on October 11th, 2008 @ 5:28am
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cookie jar - gym class heroes ft. the dream |
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I'm updating for Brad because he's lazy. I've caught some sort of cold, so I'm not going to call him a bitch or anything for making me do this. Okay SO...
1. Seminars are still going strong. I coughed all over someone from... admin, I think. I felt really bad, but then I got dizzy and didn't really care about it anymore. I had to buy Brad some face masks and Lysol disinfectant spray so he doesn't get sick. I'm betting he gets whiney when he's sick and considering he's my boss AND roommate? Eh, getting him sick and whiney can't be good.
2. We carved pumpkins last night! Lena came over for dinner and a sleepover. We forced Brad to participate in the carving festivities. He's not half bad at stabbing gourds. I'm pretty sure it's from all that time he spent in prison shanking bitches. My pumpkin was awesome. I made it look like it was throwing up it's guts. Now, I know I was only tempting fate.
3. Made pumpkin pie afterwards for the hell of it. I still have half a pie sitting in the kitchen. Since I can't taste/smell anything and Brad's a relative health nut, it'll probably go bad. Lena ate a whole tub of Cool Whip, the stupid whore.
4. Brad talks in his sleep. True story. He knows all the dialogue from 'To Wong Foo'. It's kind of scary. Though, I now know that every day is a say-something-hat day.
Okay, I really do feel like shit warmed over. I need to go lay down. But I promise Brad will update for himself in some way, shape or form eventually. He's just being... Brad.
-- Ros
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Posted by brad on September 20th, 2008 @ 6:20am
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Cuddling is so damn awkward. How can people stand it? Rosalyn needs to invest in a body pillow or a large dog if she wants something to curl up with. Women are such a pain in the ass.
I opened this up with the intention of writing something meaningful, but found that I don't actually have anything to say. Imagine that.
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| VOTE FOR ME FOR BEST ASS! |
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Posted by brad on August 29th, 2008 @ 2:24am
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Even though I'm snobby and beneath this petty attempt for attention known as the Spenties, I think you should all vote for me as much as possible. If nothing else, vote for me for best ass. Every time I bend over, it looks like I'm smuggling two beautiful mangoes in my pants.
TGIF! I'm planning to spend my Friday night with my M to F tranny ex-girlfriend, Lola and a couple of cross-dressing male prostitutes named Kiki and Momo. There's nothing like a freaky orgy to lift your spirits for the coming week. I've been so stressed lately. I need the recreation.
Also on the menu this weekend is a big move. I'm moving into my parents' former townhouse. Instead of hiring professionals to move all my shit, I enlisted the help of Rosalyn and Lena. They're Mexican. They're used to manual labor. Besides, it's not like they aren't getting paid. I bought three boxes of popsicles for them for when they're done. I enjoy watching women suck on phallic foods.
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| Locked to Rosalyn Cooper |
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Posted by brad on July 22nd, 2008 @ 5:02pm
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My day feels randomly incomplete without you bugging me every ten minutes. But not because I like you. I guess I just need something to break up the monotony of my job.
How's the rash?
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